A grief observed

Well I haven't felt able to blog for a few weeks now, but I thought I might just put a few words down.
The death of our father last week has brought an end of an era, or at least that's how it feels. The funeral is on Monday.
We all count it a real privilege to have been with him at the last, and he waited till we were all present, or so it would seem.
As a Christian Minister I deal with the grieving fairly often, but I haven't been prepared for my own grief. This is "the day" which you long for least and yet which you know is inevitable.
I have found myself crying at the strangest of times - driving behind the wheel, or listening to music, or looking at photo's of dad. There has been laughter too, and there has been busyness as these moments always seem to bring stuff that has to be done in preparation. I haven't been prepared for the waves of grief: one moment I can be absolutely fine and feel ready to throw myself into work and activity, and the next grief comes at you from behind you and overwhelms you, and then it is gone again. And then hours later it comes again.
We have caught ourselves doing the things that Dad would do; instinctively and without thought busying ourselves practically, or by funny and peculiar habits than seem inbred within our family.
My brothers and I are to share a tribute each at the service on Monday, and it is the preparation of these words that has left me both empty in tears, and full with pride and joy to have had such a Dad as we have had. So many talents and abilities and experiences, many of which have been passed on (and continue to be) through the generations. It has been in the writing of the flower cards that tears have come most rapidly. "Thank you Dad for giving us everything; safe in the arms of Jesus now; no more suffering."
So we move towards Monday with trepidation and with the Christian hope: "Jesus said I am the resurection and the life. He who believes in me, though he die, he shall live."

A cocktail please, shaken, not stirred ..

Well, I haven't blogged for a few weeks - the frequencies have been jammed and energy levels have been low ....whatever that means!

So I'm off for the seasonal Baptist Council next week. There are 3 this year in contrast to the normal 2. That's how important a year it is for the Baptist Union. It will be good to see folks and catch up. What I observe is that the world of blogging and having your opinion on baptist future has been at full warp drive over the last few months. It would seem that to be seen to expressing an opinion and then blogging about - maybe even on a weekly basis, is what sets you apart. A baptist worthy! A leader of the watery congregational masses! One to watch! Blogging of course demonstrating that we can all have an opinion and instantly publish those views.
And it is important for us to express views, though to be honest I haven't yet seen the view that I want to express in beyond400.net which is "what about pastoral care of pastors?" I'm still waiting for the quiet thud of an email to hit my inbox asking me to write the article (I'm not losing sleep over it, really).
But I wonder how its all going to work out? So many opinions and views! Could it end up as a mish-mash or dare I even utter the baptistic liturgical curse (p23 patterns and prayers) "compromise". Where almost there are too many views that the exercise becomes one of merely keeping everyone happy - ooh shiver my baptist baptismal gown and Spurgeon turn over in your grave! In the end, the famous american presidential quote "it's the economy stupid" will almost certainly be the deciding factor. ie affordability. Regardless of that, I'm seriously (tongue in cheek) considering setting up a "Past Steering Group" to compare and contrast with "The Future's Group" so that we can all sit round and remember the good old days over a gin and tonic.
Enough of this! I'm probably in too much trouble now anyway.

Membership - here's a queer line of thought. I keep pondering Baptist Church membership and thinking - does it enable us to grow or stop us from growing? If you didn't have membership, and there might be some good arguments to not have, then how would you express committed core in church life?

Journey - the importance of spiritual journey in the local church as an arena for mission to take place within also keeps coming up in WBC these days. Our language is changing and for the good. Can our churches be places for people of faith and no faith and some faith, be arenas for journey to discover God in. The problem is that whilst I am certain that they should be, the old wine of baptist church life, which is often expressed in "covenant" may well be one of the many hindrances.

God told me - finally for this week. We are back in the days very much of "God told me" and so (and this is the consequential un stated script) basically stuff anyone else and anything anyone says that might - just might ring biblically true or may just sniff of wisdom, I'm going to do what I want to do, and discguise it maybe as "God told me." I've always seen scripture dominate on things like "test the spirits" and "weigh the word". When you make decisions in isolation, be prepared to end up isolated!