Staging Posts

Well blow me down, some weeks go by when there are no blogs, and then four come along in one week! 'Tis the old London Bus syndrome!
But this I have learnt in the short time of blogging - don't blog when you can't and if you have nothing to say, but do if you do.

I have been reflecting over the last day about who I am and where I am, as a Disciple. Then walking home from the school run this morning I thought - ah yes, its my WBC anniversary soon isn't it? So a quick check of my diary reveals that sure enough, next week brings 10 years of being Pastor of Wellington Baptist Church.
I used to announce this truth every November to the church but stopped doing it about 4 years ago, because it no one ever made any comment about it, so it seemed rather pointless and that was kind of fine for me, kind of! I know other Ministers who really make a point of celebrating such moments and have BBQ's and parties - sounds very thrilling and elaborate and I'm somewhat envious to be honest.
But 10 years is a significant moment, and it has got me reflecting on other key moments and what I have learnt and asking whether I have changed or progressed.
So here goes: 10 years in my current church and 10 years in my previous church, which is to be accurate just over 10 years since being ordained into the Baptist Ministry. Then four years of training before that, and then a little before that I ceased being an Engineer in the Mechanical and Production disciplines. So thats 24 years of being in Christian Ministry.
The big question for is how I have grown? Has it been good growth, or bad?
These are my thoughts: Spurgeon's College gave me a degree in theology and one or two very superficial pastoral insights, and it kind of forced me into the spurgeonic tradition of preaching. It also enabled me to begin to think critically and also equipped me in a small way for baptist leadership. Yet Spurgeon's didn't give me spirituality and didn't equip me practically in the ways of church management or to a great extent pastoral care. And to be honest, I have learnt most of what I am now from 20 years of sometimes joyful, but mostly hard and challenging experiences. They say that your first church and the experiences you have within it, shape your whole outlook on ministry. And, I would say that is probably truthful.
In my first church I(we were married only after my first year) and we had some extremely painful experiences. Now whether the rights and wrongs of those occasions, is not the point, but I reflect back and think to myself that my reactions at the time, which really were of desperate hurt and of not coping with what was happening to me, with no pastoral support from the then local association leader, has to all intents and purposes shaped the way that I am as person, a husband and father, and as Pastor today. I so wish, even now, that there had been pastoral support to reflect through what was taking place, because I am sure I would be the better person for it now. And that makes me think ....experiences ...good and bad, they do shape us. If we at all honest, we can allow experiences to shape us badly or well. We can bury the hurt and walk away and just put it down to experience. But if we do that we can develop unhealthy emotional and behavoural responses whenever we find ourselves in similar situations. And, we can even see ourselves places protectionist measures in place, (or reactions) which again seek to protect us from the vulnerability of ever being in those places again.
In short,the experiences from which I claim I have learnt over 20 years, have not all been good experiences, and therefore the lessons learnt may actually be wrong or inappropriate (or even un healthy)lessons learnt. I'm not being specific here about myself, but generalising for all. At those moments of pain and difficulty we need wise, honest and healthy reflections, because actually they will then shape how we are today and react in the circumstances of today, in similar situations. Still with me?
So I assess myself 20 years on as a Pastor, 24 years on in Christian ministry and 29 years on since becoming a Christian: I'm still here for starters. Life is often a struggle, I feel a sense of loss of joy often and often feel discouraged, and this has been for me one of the worst years I can remember for numerous reasons. I even get emails and letters to supposedly help me in the full experience of discouragement!! God bless them. I am still growing in the school of hard knocks and I am having to unlearn some of the things I have learnt in 20 years, and even unlearn some of the things I have learnt in 45 years of life. My wife and my children and showing and teaching me things that I never knew I needed to learn, and God is graciously placing his finger on as yet unredeemed parts of my life. And above all else, middle age is not all that its made out to be!
I have a book of encouragements where I paste letters and emails and cards that encourage me, and I also have a place on the pin board where I "pin" naff and unhelpful communications sent to me.
But this I know: "we put no stumbling block in anyone's path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonour, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known yet regarded as unknown; dying and yet we live on; beaten and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything."
God bless you in your journey!