After the age of 35 ....

....It all goes down hill! No, no, I'm only joking. That's the age of .....oh sorry, I can't remember.

I recollect that at the age of 22years, the Spurgeon's College Council of that time, - wherein I trained for the Christian Ministry and obtained my degree in theology, only just agreed to allow me to train, because they thought I was lacking in experience. If it wasn't for the then Student Chair and Secretary (who have a place on the Council) who fought my corner, + one or two other worthys, then everything could have been oh so different. But that was back in 1987, and now 25years later I am now .....well, quite experienced. But what does that mean?

Seven years later on when in my first church, a particular couple decided to make an issue of the fact that their young minister wasn't very experienced (still!) and it drew out of me then I quite defensive reaction, and led me to preach on where experience came from, and whether that was a mark of maturity or not. I think looking back I hashed up the preach somewhat.

It is true to say that the youthful days (under 35?!) gives to all an outlook on life with views that are often black and white, and yes hasty in response. And every "youth" seems to be the same - ask them a question and there is always only one answer and it's got to be NOW! Don't be stupid Dad, this IS the answer, how can you hold such archaic views? Truth is, as you get older, life is not quite as clear cut, and our answers become less hasty, and more measured and considered. From what? Why? From experience of course!

25 years later (in ministry, that is) I can honestly say that the majority of experience has come from learning lessons, and in all honesty quite a bit of that has been uncomfortable, if not at times painful. The experience I have gained has come at a price, but it has been the making of me, and yes the maturing of me. Seemingly experiences likes these only come from one means - growing in and through the difficulties. Well that's on the plus side, but on the negative being a Baptist Pastor has come at a huge cost - emotionally and practically, as well yes as spiritually, to my family and I, and being now in the middle age (the period of the pondering) I often ponder as I look back whether it had to be this way.

Stepping aside from ministry for a moment, to me as a person and the 46years on this earth, the truth is that life (and in no way do I see this as different to any one else) has in no way been plain sailing. I certainly never envisaged being a Minister of the Gospel for the first 20years of my life, and "if I knew then what I knew now" would I have taken such a road? Was that the right decision? I could have been an Engineer! I could have .....well anyway!

Christians believe in the scriptures talking of the "call" of God, and that individuals respond to such a call - like Abraham and Sarah, to leave to follow the call without knowing where they were to go, but leave they had to do! Christians don't believe that our lives are simply our own to do with as we please, but to follow God's call, wherever that may be and whatever that may mean.

And then I remember Billy Graham's strap line in his passionate evangelistic preaching - "God has a plan for your life" - and at the time, that felt like a neat concept, and one that appealed to that black and white youthful outlook. But 30 years on I would argue that the word "plan" suggests it is all worked out, and the word I would use now is "blueprint" - that God knows the structure in and around which freedom of choice is exercised. Of course some Christians believe that absolutely every tiny detail of every moment for, and every choice we make, is God made. This is the age old tussle of predestination verus freewill, and for some thats what they want and are comfortable with. But this blog is not going to do predestination - but you knew that anyway, didn't you?!

And this is all of course about knowing what decision to make about this or that, and how we know guidance and wisdom. It's also about "perspective" - this is another key word. I remember an illustration by my Theology Tutor (yes, Nigel, I listened) who gave the example of an incident in a street that is witnessed by a number of different people from different angles (or perspective), and each when reported to a journalist or policeman, gives a slightly different perspective on what took place. So, which was the right perspective? Which was the truth? Perspectives can shape and change decisions, but be warned the perspective of consumer comfort wonders around like a devouring lion: We all want an easy life, easy decisions and lots of comfort, with little challenge. For some, decision making seems reduced to this level - a kind of Homer Simpson theology: if something in life is too hard, then its not worth doing!

And in our lives there are lots of perspectives to consider. We might use another word "viewpoint(s)", and seek to obtain the perspectives of people around us on what they think about a situation in our lives. For the Christian, the "God-perspective" is vital - how does God see it all? Trouble is that post-modernism has blurred these perspectives somewhat and kind of stated that all perspectives might be true, rather than just one or another, and that can leave us bewildered, particularly if we start thinking "what if?"

But snap my figers and snap out of it; this middle age pondering does no one any good, even if it be a part of what all middle aged people do. Life is as it is now. And we must live life with the consequences of our decisions, even if they were taken early in life, and in haste and somehow regretted or even applauded. And for the Christian, there is a framework in which we do this. The decisions, promises, and following of calls that have been made - whether in hindsight right or wrong, must be honoured because life is not just now, this second. These might be broken, but not for the Christian, ours is a higher calling. Many are secondary promises with not huge consequences maybe and can be modified, adapted or changed, but some are major covenantal decisions and are lifetime decisions. These matter and as Christians we will be judged for the decisions we made and those that we broke. There is journey - and it is the whole of life, not just in the here and now. The God who first called is the one who is a part of the covenants that we make and is the maker not the breaker. In the blueprint sense, he leads us on in the journey from now and into the future, and is faithful, and we too are required to be faithful.

But the one question I will have for God will be why we cannot have experience and youthful energy? We all know that with age comes experience, but with age comes the bad back and flagging energy. But why God?

But this I know: with God in our lives, no experience - however painful or uncomfortable is ever wasted, especially when we turn it to God's glory and let it be used. Romans 8: 28 reminds us of this.