The things that shape us

I was reflecting the other day about a draft set of Ministry Guidelines, as produced by the Baptist Union Department of Ministry, for how Ministers are to behave and act. My first reaction was to think that the same kind of thing should be drawn up for Churches in terms of how they behave towards their Minister. Many a church has scarred their Minister through an action or indeed lack of action, either by the few or the many. And, yes, I still think that. Then I started reflecting upon our recent church AGM, and in running through the annual affirmations of Treasurer & Secretary, I felt an inward and unnoticeable to all, vacuum of despair, because - to be blatant, I too felt I wanted to be affirmed, and the truth is that in the life of most churches, this never or rarely happens, unless its at your leaving party! And I guess that some of that is because being a church leader is sometimes, perhaps often, about being in a place where you cannot please everybody, and often cannot please anybody. In short, and I may be bringing up luggage here, but I'll say it anyway, its about not being appreciated and sometimes despised. And if Ministers are ever appreciated, they are never told so, but only ever complained to. The result? A sense of despair and discouragement that often results in good ministers leaving the ministry! Then, I did aanother final set of reflections - ok, so maybe its not healthy to do this kind of thing, but ..I started thinking about my first church and how I think its true to say, that your first church and the experiences you have, are what shape you and your future ministry. Was my first church a good experience? Yes, on the whole! The vast majority were lovely, wonderful, supportive people - and still are. But, as a new Minister just out of college, I never received a visit from my then Regional Minister - I only saw him once and that was at the induction. But I had some attacks that deeply hurt me and to some extent have never been forgotten. One when we were married - too much holiday you know, another - a vote of confidence over a non baptised prospective Deacon. Not nice! Painful! Sure, they shaped me, but did they do so for good? I don't know. These days, people still complain and winge, but its water off a ducks back now. Is that a good thing? I wonder?!